這是我

越在乎 越心疼
呵快到截止日期了吧？
我好累 需要肩膀 卻發現沒人在我身邊


現在才覺得沒有人是真正了解我的
在熟悉的朋友面前我是個很多話講的人
在陌生人面前我絕對會很安靜
自己一個人的時候 我會想很多事情
其實 我不喜歡說話
說話是因為 怕別人會覺得我很悶騷
那些所謂好像懂我的人 其實你們並不是完全懂我
我只是 配合你們 在適當的時候做適當的人
都忘了原本自己的樣子 自己的性格了


他們都說我變了
是嗎 不管了 隨便吧
已成定局 就算改變自己也是不能改變什麼
你說的就算 我變了 =)


說穿了 只是接受不到不完美的自己 糾結在矛盾中 
誰會明白這樣的我？


我很乖 不吵不哭不鬧 就這樣“順其自然”吧
我會 很 自然

煩錢

一個人需要安靜的時候 我喜歡搭地鐵 靜靜地看著窗外 頭腦放空的感覺

很舒服 看著不同的人上上下下 腦海裡想著很多事情 想得最多的卻是你

有很多未完成的夢 

我記得我答應過你很多事情

我都記得很清楚 

最近想買很多東西 身上卻沒錢 我可以打槍銀行嗎/.\

我知道你很喜歡玩具狗 給我點時間啊寶貝=$

心痛

原來同一件事情發生太多次後會麻木 
可能我脾氣真的變壞了吧
容易無緣無故生氣
以前的我 或許會解釋很多
現在的我 不想解釋了 覺得沒必要 也沒有用
是你不信任我 還是我想太多 
或許是我太執著了吧 
我需要很多很多安全感 你懂不懂


是不是要等到我開始變淡了你才會珍惜 才會知道之前的我原來一直在你身邊

其實我還在 我一直都在 

random feeling

my phone is dying everyday. 

think of buying samsung galaxy ace/.\

as long as it costs not more than rm1k is okay ler.

many thoughts are running on my mind.

many unsolved problems.

study, money, relationship, where is my time to relax myself?

if i had 1 million, i would buy myself a car, need it so much.

if i had 1 million, i would spend it over you, give you all the things you wanted for so long.

if i had 1 million, i would move out and live my life.

if i had 1 million, i would save it for half and start my business plan.

if i had 1 million, i would treat all my friends for a trip, completely free cause they helped me so much.

if i had 1 million, i would give some of it to my parents, they raised me up so hard.

if i had 1 million, actually i could not do all the above cause it's more than 1 million/.\

btw, i'm dreaming, so seriously. lmao.

used to sleep around 3 or 4. not because of insomnia. 

that is the time i miss you most.

recalling momories i had with you.

sometimes i smiled.

sometimes i left my mind wandering around.

Pressure is my best friend but i hate you so much. Go away please. I BEG YOU.

live my life

something is on my mind in this few days..i just cant stop thinking about my future.

there was a time when i was distressed and completely collapsed.

my future seems so blur and directionless. 

just like a blind bird, flying without direction.

stop pushing me so hard, for sure not physically but mentally.

Burden is getting heavier and heavier.

I have my own dreams, my own life and i wish i could do things i like with no concern of yours.

Yea, i know it's not easy. I mean..tough.

Sometimes, i feel like this is not what a daughter should do.

I mean..run away from home. 

Yet, i don't like people forcing me to do something which i don't like it at all.

It applies to you too i strongly believe.

My future is set and totally controlled and i have no right to make an objection.

Wtf? I don't wanna fulfill your dream because i have no interest at all, besides, i have mine.

Sigh, i think I'm gonna explode soon. VERY SOON.

i HATE that I'm a girl.

i HATE that i have no right to protect my love.

i HATE that why am i loving a girl.

but it's a FACT though, so I'm gonna fight for my love no matter how. VERY FIRM ON THIS ISSUE.

The way i cried.

powerless

我現在所為你做的事情 是不是之前已經有人為你做過
if so 你會比較記得誰


始終替代不了她在你心中的位置 是我表現不夠好 還是回憶不夠多
不知道是不是自己要求完美 還是感情上的潔癖 
想自私地霸占你的全部 還有你的心
不允許裡面有別人來過的痕跡 DELETE ALL


BUT 我無能為力 
so i have to accept all of your past 
so i have to accept you will miss her sometimes
everything, i have to accept it even i don't want to.

我知道你会不当一回事 不把我的话当真
但是 此时此刻 我真的很想你.

title-less

Tired of being waiting for so long. 


My level of patience is dropping day by day. 


It's not something that i can control.


For someday, you'll realize that i'm not the OLD kiwii tee anymore.


Who changed me?


You know it better than anyone else does.

I wonder why i can't feel anything already, no pain but merely anger.

Gotta go out later, with my sleepy eyes and empty heart.